her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
