You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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