I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
