Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
