she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
