Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
