Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The beer is more important than you right now.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
