We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can't turn off my feet"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
