He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
