what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
