some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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