I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
