Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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