Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
