Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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