I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
