i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
