i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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