You really coming over, don't trick.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i was born a porn star she said
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
