I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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