Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize