Umm I'm too high to move.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
