I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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