we have officially mastered the walk of shame
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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