speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
