did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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