If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
