ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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