My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
