I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
