I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
