Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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