Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
