is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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