I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
