I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
