if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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