She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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