Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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