I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
never play flip cup with pint glasses
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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