Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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