oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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