I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
