Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
