I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
