the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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