Soap is not a condiment
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
