ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
