Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
