im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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