Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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