You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
birth control should be required to get into college
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
