hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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