How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
