My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
