i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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