how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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