dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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