My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize