What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize