your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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