he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
