A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
