I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
