i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
