Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
