yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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