Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
