this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
