We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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