That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The power of my boobs compel you
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
