I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
