Jerry, you need to find god
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize