Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it's like iHOP with fire
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
