My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
