My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
