Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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