I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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