Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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