saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he was CRYING into my vagina
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
