I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
