1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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