really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
