Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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