Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
