the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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