I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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