What a fucking waste of an outfit
I am midnight drunk by noon
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize