3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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