best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
