words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
