hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
