yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
