Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
