Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
40s are totally the cure
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
