Do you still have your period?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
