Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
