is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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