he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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