Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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